Shut it Down!!

"Shut it Down" is the familiar call by so many parents this summer. Every one I spoke to has a similar story about their teenager and a party. Let me state that I delight being around my 16-year old teenager. She clears her dinner plate, does her own laundry and talks to us more than most. I am lucky.

Except when it comes to parties. Summer parties. Facebook, twitter, text-fueled guest-list party. The kind of parties that are not normal, unreal and out of control.

She wanted to throw a party. For "as many as possible, mom".

Apparently the new standard for a party is "as many as possible," otherwise it's "so gay". Aside from the heated discussion of "so gay" is NOT OK, daughter #1 was mad we limited her party to 40 people and no facebook invites, no strangers and no text guests. She.... was... pissed.

Well - 90 people showed up. All from the texting, texting, and more texting by each and every kid who showed up, walked in and thought WOW, this is happening.

Hubby and I did a walk through to make sure all was well. OMG!! Kids were everywhere!

There were kids smoking in the back patio up against a hill full of dry brush! Some were in the trees and jammed in the den dancing to the music. My husband found a fifth of VODKA in the bushes and I discovered a young couple "making out" in the ONE bathroom while the rest of the kids pounded on the door to be let in!

And that is just a few of things that happened. I am editing so I don't loose your interest.

We shut the party down. Called the parents of a drunk girl and chased the kids off our land and the neighborhood. This party lasted all of 2 hours.

The next day it was discovered that the bouncer made off with ALL the money. Thus the DJ was not paid and I was not reimbursed for what I laid out.

Then I heard about my friend Robert's experience. His son threw a party for 100 people. No problem, plenty of room at his house to accommodate the crowd. Within 1.5 hours Robert called the POLICE on HIMSELF. They swooped in with helicopters and cruisers. The estimate was 3,000 people on-premise and within the vicinity of his house. 3,000 people!!!

The bouncer, true to the nature of the business, was busy taking the agreed $5.00 contribution for those on the list. But he collected $25.00 per non-listed kid through the side gate. This enterprising bouncer pocketed each and every $25.00 "contribution."

One party got out of hand within an hour. Neighbors called the parents, who were not home, to "come home quick." The father got out of his car, calmly cut off the music and grabbed his bullhorn and began "evacuating" his house of full of strangers. He got resistance from the 17-year old boys. They asked, "Who in the H**L are YOU?"

One grandmother, allowing her house to be used for a party, was seen chasing a girl around the pool to grab the bottle of liquor out of her hands. Party shut down within 1.5 hours.

So I wonder about the "why" of it all. Why the need to throw such big parties each and every time? I have come up up with this theory: It's all the parents fault.

We all threw them elaborate birthday parties for each and every year of their precious lives. Disney characters, bouncies and making sure to invite entire classrooms of preschoolers or 3 classrooms of elementary age (or god forbid should one child get their feelings hurt,) peers. Huge party favors that cost more than the gifts received with the venues being more expensive and elaborate each year. Do you blame our over indulged teenagers?

Well I don't, so here is my mea culpa!

The Visit

My cousins from Belgium were here for a visit. The two of them are on the far left of the photo. They did research and were able to find my cousin Claude in France. He connnected us and they decided to come to California for a visit. It was wonderful.

We discovered similarities that were startling. The same family message, personalities of blood relatives and no knowledge of each other's existence.

We discussed the two secrets that shaped the family and their off-spring for 3 generations. As my Belgian cousins and I are of the fourth generation, we have all made a conscience choice of shedding these secrets in order to move forward. As my children are the 5th generation, the secrets are laughed at and met with "you're kidding, right?" They no longer hold power over them.

These secrets, I now understand, are what prompted my father to leave his beloved France and come the U.S. to be able to REDEFINE himself. But he was really unable to achieve that end. His personal freedom was always just beyond his reach. (another blog on that later)

The secrets were of their time, of the European culture. The events had shattering results on the focus of each sibling of the Michel Family.

The first secret: The family fortune was gambled away. They were known as upper class, quite wealthy, and traveled by a private TRAIN to transport them from city to city. Think private airplane in today's world.

All six children were in University, grand houses were owned and servants to care for their worldly needs. The uncle in charge of the family fortune loves to gamble and loses it ALL gambling! ALL... Every red cent.... university studies interrupted, houses and property sold, no more private trains, and a loss of social stature. The shame of being poor invades their psyches and creates a hungry, unrelenting desire to recapture this lost fortune. It creates siblings with strong controlling personalities to rule over their spouses and children to drive them to back to wealth.

The nature of the fortune is unconfirmed but the diamond trade is suspect as they had homes in Antwerp and Brussels. Which leads us to the second secret: they were Jewish.

Jewish? The need to hide this fact was the way life was lived in the late 19th early 20th century in Europe. Secrets weild power and eventual destruction of it's keepers. In this case, it created a horrible scism between two of the brothers that ended in the suicide of one on the birthday of the other.

The siblings began to marry into the Catholic community. One brother opened a funeral home (still operating), one brother began a theater troop and bought and sold Belgian lace, one sister took care of the aging parents, another sister (my grandmother) married a super intelligent liberal. Two brothers immigrated to France. One of whom gave birth to a ner'do'well who would abandon two wives and three children. And one just disappeared off the face of the earth.

The call of the family was "never gamble". My father was very clear on the need for low risk investment of his money. Don't buy real estate, not a good investment. Take forever to decide on the risk factor of how you use your money, etc. etc. etc. you get the picture. He never, ever shared the fact we were of Jewish descent until I turned 34.

My father had regular correspondence with his uncle and cousins. My aunt visited with
these same cousins in the south of France, where one owned a home. BUT....

MY FATHER NEVER LET THEM KNOW HE HAD A FAMILY OF THREE DAUGHTERS.

Funny enough, my cousins parents never let them know we existed. Just a passing reference to an cousin (meaning my father) who lived in the U.S.

So these many years later, here we are. Geting to know each other, laughing and comparing notes. There is more to write about, so stay tuned.