Dude, your clothes!

"Dude, Your PJ's are on the bathroom floor," I remind my husband as he has one foot out the door.

 "What clothes?" he says, frustrated at being stopped 2 seconds away from a clean getaway. "What am I supposed to do with them," he asks.

"Geez I don't know." I reply calmly,  "How about roasting them for dinner?"

Hubby laughs and begrudgingly picks up his clothes and stuffs them onto the shelf.  At least they are off the floor.  I walk into the kitchen and now am aware why he gave in so quickly.  The sink is full of dishes from last night!  AHHHHHH!!!!!!!

A few months ago, I sat the family down and let them know that they needed to step up and participate in the running of the  house.  Laundry, setting the table, making dinner, cleaning up, etc. were tasks that everyone could do.  I cannot (and really don't want) to do it all!

I  created a grid of tasks and days of the week.  Each family member stepped up and signed up for jobs they wanted to do.  We would move them around every so many weeks so as not to get bored.  Hubby signed up for doing the dishes and  D#2 was to get herself up and ready for school by herself.

D#2 was rousted from her bed the next morning by an alarm clock we had set in her room. She walked to the kitchen and sat down, "Mom, I didn't think we were starting this morning!"  And she promptly fell asleep at the table.

Her sister woke her up and says, "Hurry up.  And make your own breakfast and lunch.  I've been doing it since I was ten and you are 13.  So get with it!"

D#2 started slowly, but made her own breakfast and lunch and wandered off to get dressed. 

Ahhh peer pressure.  I forgot to put that on the gird.

Shut It Down - Part Two

They say humans learn through repetition. I think that nothing is learned between the ages of 14 and 20. Well after Friday night let's include the age range of 45 and 60 as well.

D#1 gave us the heads up she was driving to an "after party" held between 11PM and 2AM. As any parent knows, this raises alarm bells deep inside the belly of our bear selves. The expression "NO WAY-JOSE" leapt to our lips simultaneously. I immediately thought of the party we had had at our house. See blog "Shut it Down."

The discussion raged around the dinner table for a week. Father and D#1 made the decision that it was OK for her to drive home alone in the middle of the night. I dead stopped the idea as I was raised in LA and I KNOW the types of trouble the exist at 2AM. Thus sides were taken and the debate was on.

D#1 is exceptionally good at convincing her parents. "Mom," she says in all seriousness, "This is a private party, with tickets and a shuttle from the parking lot to the house. See, here is my ticket." I envision a well-organized transportation system similar to what we go through for non-profit events. The discussion raged on .....

One thing I am particularly good at is coming up with a solution in the middle of a heated argument. Training from my Telecom Corporate days created a "leadership under fire" set of skills and low and behold, they emerged fully engaged.

I suggested D#1 go concentrate on homework and while Hubby and I worked out our differences. I listened as Hubby gave his point of view and then let the silence fall. Silence is good as it lets the body calm down and the logical brain engage. It's one of my favorite techniques on getting Hubby to listen to me.

I committed to driving her myself if it meant staying up to all hours to make sure she was accompanied by an adult at 2AM. Hubby suggested I drop him off at the location of the after party and he would drive D#1 home.

"That's an even better idea, dude-man!" As I thought of my wonderful bed I would tumble into as soon as I got home around 1:30AM. And Hubby was once again my hero!

But - the best laid plans of mice and teenagers do go awry. This was no exception.

D#1 never made it to the after party. D#1 never made it as the traffic was so bad up Sunset Plaza and she couldn't find parking, kids were walking in the middle of the street saying "it's shut down," someone was vandalizing the parked cars and the neighbors were up in arms. 911 was called to help the passed-out-from-too-much-liquor girl. So once again the cry of "Shut It Down" was heard for miles.

"What does not kill you makes you stronger" says Friedrich Nietzsche. Any person will tell you that this is true. Especially when you are 16.

D#1 was pulled over twice by the cops as the car had a broken headlight. She handled it with honesty and aplomb. She drove carefully out of the crowded streets without mishap and drove home while her friend kept us updated with progress reports. That's my girl!

As we debriefed this morning, we wondered who was this parent that signed and paid for the party house? Who was in charge of the shuttles and parking? Why did they not figure out that 388 teenagers via FB, texting, etc. meant an average of 1000 kids showing up, tickets or no tickets. Why did they not think that liquor would flow, some teenager would be too inebriated to function and mayhem would ensue?

Well I think it's true - humans never learn, even between the ages of 45 to 60!

Hubby and the teenage girl thing

We have two daughters, aged 16 and 13.  You can imagine the amount "female" energy that flies around this house on a weekday evening. Hubby is in the minority.  There is Jake the cat, but he does not count much as a "guy" cat.


Teenage girls are a big mystery to everyone, but where this train goes off the tracks is Hubby thinks he has it down. They gleefully or brutally tell him he doesn't.

Homework:  Whenever one of them needs help with homework, they avoid him like the plague.

If D#2 asks him, he launches into a complicated course of self-study (that includes the internet)  while she waits for him to "get it." Twenty minutes later he is ready to answer said question with a history of information.

Lots of eye-rolling and frustrated arguments ensue which end up with D#2 slamming bedroom door and husband coming to me to ask for "a little backup here."

Personal looks:  Hubby has a great eye for hair and makeup and dress.  Training on these matters was acquired during his tenure as a director in Hollywood for oh say... 2 movies. When he comments on my hair, dress, looks, I'm good with it as I must concede that the man has great taste and dresses me well.

But he doesn't quite get the tinderbox of emotions (associated with looks) that sits just below the surface of teenagers.

He commented on D#2's hair twice in two weeks.  First comment was delivered with his glasses off his face and positioned two inches from D#2, "What color did you die your hair?  It's too dark." The wailing was so loud, my neighbor called to see what was wrong.

The second comment was delivered from 5 feet across the dinner table and eyes in a squinting mode. "D#2, you need a hair cut.  Your hair needs better styling."  D#1 jumped to her sister's defense by pummeling her father verbally ( I must admit it was a good pummel).  But too late, the damage was done.  D#2 objected loudly at first and then swiftly walked to her bedroom and slammed the door.  

He tried a retraction (he is in PR and thought it could work) but that went nowhere.  Pretty funny to watch a 6 ft guy speaking to a slammed angry door, trying to appease D#2.

Car sharing:  D#1 drives.  She drives Hubby's car as it is a tank.  But now she and Hubby are negotiating, er battling it out, on who gets the car when.  D#1 feels it's hers to use as she pleases over the weekend.

Interesting conversations that sounds a bit like this:

D#1: Dad, Friday night, car.
H:  Where are you going?
D#1:  With friends

H: How are you paying for gas?
D#1: OMG you want me to do well in school to get into a good college so I have to study every night of the week with no time to have a job so I can pay for my own gas? This is a joke, right?
H: Well you need to spend some money on gas, kiddo.
D#1: I can't.  I have to buy an outfit for the night.  Remember, you guys don't buy my clothes any more.

And on and on it goes until he relents and he is excusing himself from weekend golf games so she can have the car.

We have had discussions about his thinking towards the D#1 & D#2, but I prefer not to upset that apple cart too much.  The girls need to know how to argue with a man and WIN.  Makes them fearless for the future.

Gosh I do love my family - better than TV.

Shut it Down!!

"Shut it Down" is the familiar call by so many parents this summer. Every one I spoke to has a similar story about their teenager and a party. Let me state that I delight being around my 16-year old teenager. She clears her dinner plate, does her own laundry and talks to us more than most. I am lucky.

Except when it comes to parties. Summer parties. Facebook, twitter, text-fueled guest-list party. The kind of parties that are not normal, unreal and out of control.

She wanted to throw a party. For "as many as possible, mom".

Apparently the new standard for a party is "as many as possible," otherwise it's "so gay". Aside from the heated discussion of "so gay" is NOT OK, daughter #1 was mad we limited her party to 40 people and no facebook invites, no strangers and no text guests. She.... was... pissed.

Well - 90 people showed up. All from the texting, texting, and more texting by each and every kid who showed up, walked in and thought WOW, this is happening.

Hubby and I did a walk through to make sure all was well. OMG!! Kids were everywhere!

There were kids smoking in the back patio up against a hill full of dry brush! Some were in the trees and jammed in the den dancing to the music. My husband found a fifth of VODKA in the bushes and I discovered a young couple "making out" in the ONE bathroom while the rest of the kids pounded on the door to be let in!

And that is just a few of things that happened. I am editing so I don't loose your interest.

We shut the party down. Called the parents of a drunk girl and chased the kids off our land and the neighborhood. This party lasted all of 2 hours.

The next day it was discovered that the bouncer made off with ALL the money. Thus the DJ was not paid and I was not reimbursed for what I laid out.

Then I heard about my friend Robert's experience. His son threw a party for 100 people. No problem, plenty of room at his house to accommodate the crowd. Within 1.5 hours Robert called the POLICE on HIMSELF. They swooped in with helicopters and cruisers. The estimate was 3,000 people on-premise and within the vicinity of his house. 3,000 people!!!

The bouncer, true to the nature of the business, was busy taking the agreed $5.00 contribution for those on the list. But he collected $25.00 per non-listed kid through the side gate. This enterprising bouncer pocketed each and every $25.00 "contribution."

One party got out of hand within an hour. Neighbors called the parents, who were not home, to "come home quick." The father got out of his car, calmly cut off the music and grabbed his bullhorn and began "evacuating" his house of full of strangers. He got resistance from the 17-year old boys. They asked, "Who in the H**L are YOU?"

One grandmother, allowing her house to be used for a party, was seen chasing a girl around the pool to grab the bottle of liquor out of her hands. Party shut down within 1.5 hours.

So I wonder about the "why" of it all. Why the need to throw such big parties each and every time? I have come up up with this theory: It's all the parents fault.

We all threw them elaborate birthday parties for each and every year of their precious lives. Disney characters, bouncies and making sure to invite entire classrooms of preschoolers or 3 classrooms of elementary age (or god forbid should one child get their feelings hurt,) peers. Huge party favors that cost more than the gifts received with the venues being more expensive and elaborate each year. Do you blame our over indulged teenagers?

Well I don't, so here is my mea culpa!

Can't hear myself think!

I never thought of my house as a party house. Neither does my husband. We like to have friends over for dinner al fresco, and an early bedtime. But it seems we have bred a "event planner".

Seems our D#1 is the "go to" person for throwing her friends a party. Be it a kickback or birthday bash, she seems to be the one who organizes it. So here I am, on a Saturday night, sitting on my bed, blogging with EAR PLUGS as D#1 has thrown another party.

Last time she threw a "little party" the list included 60 people and a facebook rsvp. We said NO! She fought a valiant fight and sulked for days after agreeing to only 40 even though "that is so lame." Then 60 showed up! Seems texting is the new invite.

She was overwhelmed and then swung into action. She got tough with those she did not know and asked them to leave. She confiscated the sneake-in beer and got us to patrol the driveway for the "unwanted texting crashers."

She learned her lesson. She agreed the plan was faulty.

This time we held firm on 40. She agreed with little fuss. D#1 got her friends to agree NOT to text about the party, 4 guy friends agreed to play bouncers and everyone donated to the kitty for food and drink.

So my house is turned upsidedown one more time. All the furniture has been moved out of the den and signs posted everywhere stating NO SMOKING or you PAY A FINE. The DJ has the music throbbing and playing the all sorts of weird tunes. I hear them dancing and hooting and hollaring.

Did I mention when the MJ tune Billie Jean played I danced in my room and shook my tired old booty as virgously as I used to as "Queen of the Disco!" I ain't dead yet.

Thanks D#1 for the fun. I can sleep when I'm dead.

Belgium Cousins

Just got a call from Michelle and Nathalie. They arrived in San Francisco safe and sound, are sleepy and looking for a great restaurant to eat at. Any suggestions?

Dinner - What's it going to be tonight?

A new mother and friend sent me this question. I thought I would post the answer.

Since you've been so great about offering sanity....a practical question:

How often did you hit the store when your girls were little? And far in advance did you plan menus?

I'd like to plan a week out. But I wonder if that's not smart when it comes to meat and produce.

And yes, I could take the kids with me to the store, have already done that. But it's so easy to run up a bill that way, and I'm watching my pennies after six months of my folks living with me.

Write back whenev....

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

If you can solve the "How to shop with two small kids and keep your sanity" issue you will make a fortune. There are pages & pages of "quick and easy shopping tips," from every woman who found herself in the same situation. There are blogs, magazines, radio shows, TV shows devoted to the topic and insane asylums filled with perfectionist moms who failed."

If you go through the KCRW "Good Food" archives (use my name as keyword) you will find the segment I did on "rip n' pour". The best of packaged/frozen food for next to nothing.

I tried to plan, but something always got in the way. So I decided to have some staples on hand at all times to be able to "throw something" together.

I kept soups and thick french/rustic/paisano bread. If I could not get to anything else kids got soup and bread. Rich thick soups with a handful of rice thrown in. In addition, I picked up roast chickens. I would buy two and eat the second one cold or cut it up in the soup or throw some in a salad. Kids loved it.

Veggies are great fresh in the summer, but winter means frozen fresh. Most time I put all them in soups so no one can identify the "yucky" stuff.

To control costs try and find the smaller stores that don't buy prepackaged fresh fruit and veggies. The food is priced for less, ripe, thus ready to eat.

Price difference:

Whole Foods avocados were hard as rocks: $5.99 a pound
Olive Fresh Garden Market: ripe, ready to eat, $2.99 a pound.

You can't be all things to all people and cooking is always optional. Remember Julia Child did not have children!

Laurelle

I Need a JetBlue Weekend from my Weekend!

My two daughters had enough drama between them in the space of 24 hours that I thought I was going to run away. 

 Daughter #2 had a meltdown 'cause she hated her outfit and didn't want to go to the B-Day party. The real reason was she was hungry, but do you think she would eat what I offered her? Nooooo...... She decided not to go to the party, but after eating her dinner, while my husband and I are eating OUR dinner, she pops in (with the same outfit she had the meltdown over) and asked if we could take her to the party after all. 2 hours late - 

 The D#1 was asked to cover for her friend (who snuck out of the sleep over to egg houses with two boys, 16!) thus prompting a call from the mom to ME thanking me for "hosting her daughter". So the conversation was a bit confusing as the other mom was ready to rip my head off as she thought I was in charge of the sleepover. I was not in charge of anything except a crying D#2.

 See next paragraph.

 THEN - it turns out a mom read her daughter's diary to ANOTHER MOM, thus prompting massive humiliation on the part of every kid named in the diary! So once again D#2 was crying her eyes out, feeling betrayed, and I had to control my urge to throttle said mom.  

THIS WAS JUST FRIDAY NIGHT!  

Saturday afternoon then rolls around:  D#1 slept through the time she supposed to be at surprise party and when i tried to wake her - she lashed out and called me a name! At least she apologized.  D#2 wanted to go to the movies with her friend, but doesn't want to have dinner with her. How do you do this, I wonder, as the show is at 7PM? She changes her mind and then doesn't want to go out with her friend at all. But then pesters ME on "what to say?" I say, "Tell the truth". She says that NEVER WORKS.

OMG - give me a cup of calming tea or I am running away on JetBlue.