The Visit

My cousins from Belgium were here for a visit. The two of them are on the far left of the photo. They did research and were able to find my cousin Claude in France. He connnected us and they decided to come to California for a visit. It was wonderful.

We discovered similarities that were startling. The same family message, personalities of blood relatives and no knowledge of each other's existence.

We discussed the two secrets that shaped the family and their off-spring for 3 generations. As my Belgian cousins and I are of the fourth generation, we have all made a conscience choice of shedding these secrets in order to move forward. As my children are the 5th generation, the secrets are laughed at and met with "you're kidding, right?" They no longer hold power over them.

These secrets, I now understand, are what prompted my father to leave his beloved France and come the U.S. to be able to REDEFINE himself. But he was really unable to achieve that end. His personal freedom was always just beyond his reach. (another blog on that later)

The secrets were of their time, of the European culture. The events had shattering results on the focus of each sibling of the Michel Family.

The first secret: The family fortune was gambled away. They were known as upper class, quite wealthy, and traveled by a private TRAIN to transport them from city to city. Think private airplane in today's world.

All six children were in University, grand houses were owned and servants to care for their worldly needs. The uncle in charge of the family fortune loves to gamble and loses it ALL gambling! ALL... Every red cent.... university studies interrupted, houses and property sold, no more private trains, and a loss of social stature. The shame of being poor invades their psyches and creates a hungry, unrelenting desire to recapture this lost fortune. It creates siblings with strong controlling personalities to rule over their spouses and children to drive them to back to wealth.

The nature of the fortune is unconfirmed but the diamond trade is suspect as they had homes in Antwerp and Brussels. Which leads us to the second secret: they were Jewish.

Jewish? The need to hide this fact was the way life was lived in the late 19th early 20th century in Europe. Secrets weild power and eventual destruction of it's keepers. In this case, it created a horrible scism between two of the brothers that ended in the suicide of one on the birthday of the other.

The siblings began to marry into the Catholic community. One brother opened a funeral home (still operating), one brother began a theater troop and bought and sold Belgian lace, one sister took care of the aging parents, another sister (my grandmother) married a super intelligent liberal. Two brothers immigrated to France. One of whom gave birth to a ner'do'well who would abandon two wives and three children. And one just disappeared off the face of the earth.

The call of the family was "never gamble". My father was very clear on the need for low risk investment of his money. Don't buy real estate, not a good investment. Take forever to decide on the risk factor of how you use your money, etc. etc. etc. you get the picture. He never, ever shared the fact we were of Jewish descent until I turned 34.

My father had regular correspondence with his uncle and cousins. My aunt visited with
these same cousins in the south of France, where one owned a home. BUT....

MY FATHER NEVER LET THEM KNOW HE HAD A FAMILY OF THREE DAUGHTERS.

Funny enough, my cousins parents never let them know we existed. Just a passing reference to an cousin (meaning my father) who lived in the U.S.

So these many years later, here we are. Geting to know each other, laughing and comparing notes. There is more to write about, so stay tuned.