Shut It Down - Part Two

They say humans learn through repetition. I think that nothing is learned between the ages of 14 and 20. Well after Friday night let's include the age range of 45 and 60 as well.

D#1 gave us the heads up she was driving to an "after party" held between 11PM and 2AM. As any parent knows, this raises alarm bells deep inside the belly of our bear selves. The expression "NO WAY-JOSE" leapt to our lips simultaneously. I immediately thought of the party we had had at our house. See blog "Shut it Down."

The discussion raged around the dinner table for a week. Father and D#1 made the decision that it was OK for her to drive home alone in the middle of the night. I dead stopped the idea as I was raised in LA and I KNOW the types of trouble the exist at 2AM. Thus sides were taken and the debate was on.

D#1 is exceptionally good at convincing her parents. "Mom," she says in all seriousness, "This is a private party, with tickets and a shuttle from the parking lot to the house. See, here is my ticket." I envision a well-organized transportation system similar to what we go through for non-profit events. The discussion raged on .....

One thing I am particularly good at is coming up with a solution in the middle of a heated argument. Training from my Telecom Corporate days created a "leadership under fire" set of skills and low and behold, they emerged fully engaged.

I suggested D#1 go concentrate on homework and while Hubby and I worked out our differences. I listened as Hubby gave his point of view and then let the silence fall. Silence is good as it lets the body calm down and the logical brain engage. It's one of my favorite techniques on getting Hubby to listen to me.

I committed to driving her myself if it meant staying up to all hours to make sure she was accompanied by an adult at 2AM. Hubby suggested I drop him off at the location of the after party and he would drive D#1 home.

"That's an even better idea, dude-man!" As I thought of my wonderful bed I would tumble into as soon as I got home around 1:30AM. And Hubby was once again my hero!

But - the best laid plans of mice and teenagers do go awry. This was no exception.

D#1 never made it to the after party. D#1 never made it as the traffic was so bad up Sunset Plaza and she couldn't find parking, kids were walking in the middle of the street saying "it's shut down," someone was vandalizing the parked cars and the neighbors were up in arms. 911 was called to help the passed-out-from-too-much-liquor girl. So once again the cry of "Shut It Down" was heard for miles.

"What does not kill you makes you stronger" says Friedrich Nietzsche. Any person will tell you that this is true. Especially when you are 16.

D#1 was pulled over twice by the cops as the car had a broken headlight. She handled it with honesty and aplomb. She drove carefully out of the crowded streets without mishap and drove home while her friend kept us updated with progress reports. That's my girl!

As we debriefed this morning, we wondered who was this parent that signed and paid for the party house? Who was in charge of the shuttles and parking? Why did they not figure out that 388 teenagers via FB, texting, etc. meant an average of 1000 kids showing up, tickets or no tickets. Why did they not think that liquor would flow, some teenager would be too inebriated to function and mayhem would ensue?

Well I think it's true - humans never learn, even between the ages of 45 to 60!

Shut it Down!!

"Shut it Down" is the familiar call by so many parents this summer. Every one I spoke to has a similar story about their teenager and a party. Let me state that I delight being around my 16-year old teenager. She clears her dinner plate, does her own laundry and talks to us more than most. I am lucky.

Except when it comes to parties. Summer parties. Facebook, twitter, text-fueled guest-list party. The kind of parties that are not normal, unreal and out of control.

She wanted to throw a party. For "as many as possible, mom".

Apparently the new standard for a party is "as many as possible," otherwise it's "so gay". Aside from the heated discussion of "so gay" is NOT OK, daughter #1 was mad we limited her party to 40 people and no facebook invites, no strangers and no text guests. She.... was... pissed.

Well - 90 people showed up. All from the texting, texting, and more texting by each and every kid who showed up, walked in and thought WOW, this is happening.

Hubby and I did a walk through to make sure all was well. OMG!! Kids were everywhere!

There were kids smoking in the back patio up against a hill full of dry brush! Some were in the trees and jammed in the den dancing to the music. My husband found a fifth of VODKA in the bushes and I discovered a young couple "making out" in the ONE bathroom while the rest of the kids pounded on the door to be let in!

And that is just a few of things that happened. I am editing so I don't loose your interest.

We shut the party down. Called the parents of a drunk girl and chased the kids off our land and the neighborhood. This party lasted all of 2 hours.

The next day it was discovered that the bouncer made off with ALL the money. Thus the DJ was not paid and I was not reimbursed for what I laid out.

Then I heard about my friend Robert's experience. His son threw a party for 100 people. No problem, plenty of room at his house to accommodate the crowd. Within 1.5 hours Robert called the POLICE on HIMSELF. They swooped in with helicopters and cruisers. The estimate was 3,000 people on-premise and within the vicinity of his house. 3,000 people!!!

The bouncer, true to the nature of the business, was busy taking the agreed $5.00 contribution for those on the list. But he collected $25.00 per non-listed kid through the side gate. This enterprising bouncer pocketed each and every $25.00 "contribution."

One party got out of hand within an hour. Neighbors called the parents, who were not home, to "come home quick." The father got out of his car, calmly cut off the music and grabbed his bullhorn and began "evacuating" his house of full of strangers. He got resistance from the 17-year old boys. They asked, "Who in the H**L are YOU?"

One grandmother, allowing her house to be used for a party, was seen chasing a girl around the pool to grab the bottle of liquor out of her hands. Party shut down within 1.5 hours.

So I wonder about the "why" of it all. Why the need to throw such big parties each and every time? I have come up up with this theory: It's all the parents fault.

We all threw them elaborate birthday parties for each and every year of their precious lives. Disney characters, bouncies and making sure to invite entire classrooms of preschoolers or 3 classrooms of elementary age (or god forbid should one child get their feelings hurt,) peers. Huge party favors that cost more than the gifts received with the venues being more expensive and elaborate each year. Do you blame our over indulged teenagers?

Well I don't, so here is my mea culpa!